ashacrone

Carry On

Chapter Nine

Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware and Electronic Arts, not me and I make no money from this work of fanfiction at all.

Warnings: adult language and situations, mentions of dub-con and non-con, mpreg, sexual situations, threesomes, gender-bending and birth.

Characters/ pairings: Colonist War Hero Paragade ManShep/Kaidan/Garrus, others mentioned.

Summary: The Reapers are here, and amidst that backdrop, Commander Shepard struggles with gathering allies, caring for his child and fighting for his sanity.

~*~*~*~*~

Kaidan only got as far as the Citadel Embassy Lobby before his omni-tool pinged.

There was a new message; and Kaidan had to do a double-take when he saw it was from. It wasn't every day that he got a message from Councilor Udina.

-Major.

Meet me in my office in five minutes. I have an offer we need to discuss.

This was a sufficient distraction from trying to contact Bailey, and Bean was cooing. Kaidan checked him; diaper was still dry (but how long that would last, he had no idea) and he wasn't making the hungry cry yet. Instead he was fighting sleep, eyes rolling open and shut as the baby struggled to stay awake.

"Must be nice," Kaidan murmured. "You get out of being poked and prodded and get to sleep whenever you want." He kissed Bean, noticing the eyes he was attracting. "I'll tell you what. Go to sleep and I'll let you know if anything interesting happens. Daddy's honor."

Bean's bottom lip poked out, but he seemed to take Daddy seriously as his eyes drifted shut.

There really wasn't time to find someone else to take Bean; a quick search for his crewmates revealed them scattered, and anywhere but here. Shepard was moving from level to level, but then again, he always was. Garrus was stationary on the docks, but he was occupied with turian business. Kaidan licked his lips and looked down at his son before chuckling.

Well, he had a perfect excuse to keep this meeting short. Then he realized where his thoughts had gone and laughed aloud. Derek was rubbing off on him.

Walking through the embassies revealed sad tales in abundance. The people on the Citadel, who had done their best to cover their eyes and ears about the war, were finally getting shaken from their trees. Kaidan felt his arms tightening around his son as he listened to one poor woman ask about a son who was most likely dead, or others desperately trying to find their lost loved ones.

His mind flashed to the many, many people he had no idea of the fate of; but he was also in the best place to try to end this madness. That was something none of the people here could say.

The door to the Human Embassy opened, and the asari secretary (and Kaidan had to lift an eyebrow about that) ushered him inside after taking a moment to exclaim on how cute his tiny human was. Kaidan took the compliment, and smiled at her, following her in to Udina's office.

Udina had made some changes since Kaidan had worked there with Anderson; Anderson was a soldier through and through, and he had Spartan tastes. Udina, clearly, did not. A Ming vase, a Rembrandt, and brocaded curtains framed pictures of Udina talking with rich people. Kaidan had been to Anderson's apartment for drinks while he was working for the man on the Citadel; he could tell that Udina had been responsible for the decorating. Most of it was meant to impress, and little more.

Kaidan cleared his throat, and Udina looked up.

"Major, have a seat. Larissa, a pot of tea would be appreciated."

The asari Maiden nodded before excusing herself.

Udina rubbed his eyes with fingers that trembled before gesturing for Kaidan to sit, and Kaidan had to stop himself from staring. Udina's eyes were red and bloodshot, his suit rumpled with a blotted coffee stain peeking out on his shirt from under his jacket.

"You wanted to see me, Councilor?"

"Yes. I didn't realize you would be bringing the child." His eyes narrowed at the baby sling against Kaidan's chest.

"I had baby duty while Shepard ran errands," Kaidan explained. "Which could be anything from buying supplies, securing alliances or talking down a suicide. Five minutes didn't give me time for another sitter."

Udina harrumphed. "Fine. But you're wasted as a nanny, Major. You're a skilled man, with command experience, no PTSD and utterly honest. The Council could use you, and so could the Alliance. You're potential is going untapped."

Kaidan paused, narrowing his eyes. The ego stroking was nice, but... This was Udina, and he was at the heart of Citadel politics. "Thank you for the pep talk, Councilor, but I don't understand what you're getting at."

"The Council has decided to offer you the position as the next human Spectre."

Kaidan blinked, and Bean, who had apparently decided to wake up, made a small squeak. "That- you're- why?" He flashed through a dozen different emotions, from disbelief to gratification at the flattery. Kaidan knew he was good. He was a good leader, a good soldier, but he had been given a front row seat to why and how they had shoved Derek into that position. And those reasons were entirely political. He had been around the block often enough to be suspicious.

But at the same time, Spectre status. That was one hell of a carrot.

"Why? I told you. We need a hero, Major, and you're probably the closest thing we have since Shepard went and blew up a star system."

"He didn't have any choice," Kaidan growled, half getting to his feet. He knew Shepard, and-

"Settle down, Major. He may have had no choice, but he couldn't be our golden boy anymore. We need someone to take the public face of the human Spectres and the Alliance and you would be the best candidate. Our people need hope, Major. And Shepard is no longer able to do give it."

Kaidan felt his mouth open and shut several times, before shaking his head. "That's bull, Councilor. The Reapers' arrival just vindicated him-"

"Then do it for him, then, Major." Udina tented his fingers together in front of his mouth. "If not for the sake of your own career, then do this because Shepard shouldn't be shouldering this alone. He was thrown out there to bring down a rogue Spectre with just the title and few hours of Spectre training and he succeeded, against everything we threw at him." Udina gave Kaidan a grim smile. "Including myself. Then he died in the line of duty, saving as many as was humanly possible. Against all odds, and nature itself, he returned from the dead and stopped the Collectors from picking off our colonies one at a time. Again, without any help from us. Then he is taken down by his own biology. This is your opportunity to give Shepard the time he needs, Major. "

Kaidan patted Bean, leaning back in his chair, his heart aching and looking away.

He looked down at Bean, who was peering up at him with his pale green eyes.

"Can I think about it? This isn't a decision to be made lightly."

"Of course, Major. But don't take too long. The Reapers certainly won't."

Kaidan stood to get up, before Udina cleared his throat.

"May I take a look at this famous child?" The Councilor waved for Kaidan to come over, and Kaidan did so, cautiously, stopping just out of arms reach. His stomach flipped as he pulled Bean out.

"I know how to hold infants, Major," Udina chided, when Kaidan hesitated. Kaidan hid his grimace; it wasn't like Udina could hurt Bean with him standing there, y'know? But Bean started whimpering as soon as he was in Udina's arms.

Udina didn't speak for several moments as he gave Bean a gravely stare. "What's his name?" he asked, trying to get Bean to grab his finger. Bean, however, refused to touch him.

"Gabriel Ashley Alenko, but most of us call him Bean."

Udina's eyes darted up to meet his, lips twitching into a sneer and then back to Bean. "Something so small..." He grunted. "It seems absurd that the Illusive Man would concern himself with one infant when the galaxy is burning. But far be it for me to question his motives." He offered Bean back to Kaidan. "I expect to hear back from you soon, Major."

Without much more fanfare, and not waiting for that pot of tea, Kaidan left the Councilor's office.

~*~*~*~*~

"Commander Shepard, we live in..." Miranda started to say, before trailing off, her jaw going slack before covering her mouth with one hand. "What in the blazes happened to you?"

Derek scowled, before wincing and touching the side of his face. Blood dabbed the end of his fingers. No wonder Cortez had been short of laughing at him the entire time they had talked. At least his jaw wasn't broken.

"Worked out an alliance with the Blood Pack and the Eclipse for Aria T'loak. Before that, I had my brain raked by Sha'ira the Consort-"

Miranda put her hand up. "And if you told me everything you had done in the past few hours, I'm sure it would take the rest of our time." Her smile was ironic, but it was kind. "At any rate, it is good to see you."

"You as well." Derek gestured for them to find a corner, out of the way of the Keeper seemed bent on suicide as it refused to avoid the people walking around it. "You disappeared after Bean's birth, and I was afraid you were still on Earth. I'm glad to see you are all right."

"Speaking of which, I take it your son is well? Has the Illusive Man made any more attempts to take him?" Miranda asked, her face bland but concerned. Her fingers, however, were a tangled and twisted mess.

"No. Kaidan's taken him to Huerta Memorial for a well-baby visit, and I've not heard any reports of any trouble. He's growing up so fast, Miranda. I know he just got here, but-"

A look of bittersweet envy crossed her face. "I understand. Ori-" she stopped and took a deep breath. "I... I had to leave, Shepard. Before the Reaper invasion, the protections I had in place to keep Ori safe started going dark. I went to investigate, and I found out something troubling."

Derek blinked and nodded, widening his stance. He owed Miranda: without her care, he might have lost Bean. Her presence had helped his mental stability almost as much as Anderson's visits, especially after she kicked out his old, creepy doctor. If she asked, he would do his best to help her.

"I appreciate the offer, Shepard, and if I need a door kicked down, I know just who to call." She glanced off to the side. "The problem is that I don't know if it was my father after Ori... or Cerberus, after Chandra."

Derek rubbed the back of his head, trying to remember. "That... wasn't that Orianna's adoptive sister? What would Cerberus want with a baby?" His mind focused on red hair, blue eyes and the fearless, happy smile of someone who had never met a stranger. Then he realized what he had said and laughed. "Hell, that's the billion credit question. Maybe the Illusive Man is starting a daycare for particularly cute babies?"

Miranda's expression was blank and uncomfortable. "He probably wants his daughter back."

Derek felt like he had been given a love-tap by a Brute. "What?"
Miranda shifted her weight, her eyes fixed somewhere over Derek's right shoulder. "If it is not my father, then Cerberus would be the most likely culprit. He..." She licked her lips. "Shepard, Chandra is, still is, the daughter of," and she crossed her arms, taking a deep breath. "A former Cerberus operative. Very bull-headed, stubborn, strong-willed, and one of the most effective that I ever had the privilege of working with. She," and Miranda licked her lips again, "she also frequently butted heads with the Illusive Man. And he, in turn, was obsessed."

"Sounds like the beginning of a bad soap opera," Derek said, attempting levity to cover his unease. One of his hands squeezed a nearby rail; it dented.

"This isn't funny, Shepard," Miranda murmured. "I still can't understand why the Illusive Man did it. He could have had any woman he wanted, and most would have come willingly and left with a smile. He can be very charming when he puts his mind to it." She flashed a weak half-smirk at Derek, along with a shrug to say that she was no exception. "But I doubt this was about lust. He wanted to punish... her. And she wound up pregnant for it."

"He raped her. And she went through with the pregnancy?" Derek didn't realize he had his hand over his mouth until he lowered it.

"She didn't have a choice."

"You know your boss is evil, right, Miranda?" Derek spat. He crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels. He felt echoes of his own birthing pains up and down his back, and he had to remind himself that it hadn't been much more than two weeks since Bean. "What were you-"

Miranda drooped. "Ex -boss. It was the first time my loyalty to the Illusive Man was ever tested," she admitted. "It was obvious who had done the deed, because there was no one else who could have covered their tracks so well, especially on a Cerberus station. And when Chandra was born, the Illusive Man told me he wanted her put somewhere safe. I put her with the best family I knew." She took a deep breath, giving Derek a searching look. Derek frowned back at her. "The Illusive Man probably wants Chandra back so he can manipulate her mother. If that's the case, Ori is expendable. If it is my father, then Chandra is. I'm responsible for them both."

"What do you want me to-"

Miranda shook her head. "This is my problem, Shepard." Her face crumpled. "But I wanted you to know in case... something happened. I'm here to turn over stones, and people on the Citadel still owe me favors." She patted his shoulder, eyes searching his. "When I know something for sure, I'll let you know."

"Okay." He felt a weird shiver down his belly. "I understand." He found himself with his hands on his stomach, rubbing it like he had less than a month ago, feeling Bean shift and kick and wiggle. Bean had been conceived with the two people he trusted and loved most, and Derek had wanted Bean fiercely. The idea of his body going through that hell for a pregnancy forced on him?

He shuddered, a pained longing squeezing his chest. "I need to find my baby," he murmured, half to himself. When he looked up to find Miranda's pitying smile, he frowned again.

"I know you do, Shepard." She put a hand on the uninjured side of his face. "I'll keep in touch."

Derek grimaced as she walked away, disappearing into the crowd away from the port. He walked towards the glass, taking a deep breath and checking his omni-tool. Derek needed to find Bean, see him, hold him, know that his little boy was safe and healthy and there. He couldn't breathe around it. He started to tap on his omni-tool, trying to find a location-

He was already walking towards the elevator when it opened in front of him, and a tall woman got out. He passed her by, turning around to punch in the location on the elevator, and looked up.

Her hair was red, darker than he remembered, but when she turned and caught the side of her face he felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Heat leached out of his body as his heart thudded in his throat as he slapped for the elevator to close.

She hadn't turned, hadn't seen him, but he knew it couldn't be her. It just couldn't be.

Jane had died on Mindoir.

He had finally gone mad.

To be continued.
Questions, comments and criticisms welcomed and encouraged.